913 08 Freezeframe

Well here I am staring at the computer, exhausted. I have just in essence worked 15 days in a row. There was a little RR yesterday for the football game-than I passed out. I woke up today and decided to take the day off for my book business. I went down and worked out at the gym and started realizing I am unhealthy. Cigarettes are the first to go. Its time to start jogging-the sure fire way to ween myself off cigarettes. Maybe I’ll see if Invesco has opened back up and run up and down the stairs in the now demoniacally possessed football stadium. I have to do something. It’s now been close to two years since my relapse. I was a non-smoker throughout my entire thirties. It’s time to return to that status.

Well today I was exhausted. I slept for four hours this afternoon after my workout. I pulled books and began the laborous task of shipping. I have decided to put my book business on hold. It turned into a lemon on me and I need to do damage control. I still believe in the premise but my initial strategy of building a high volume business left me with a lot of low end inventory. My unit profit is close to 4$ which isn’t worth the effort.  Too many 1$ orders where people bit%ch and moan and not enough of the twenty dollar orders. I am going to spend the rest of the month sifting through my inventory and pulling the cool stuff and the valuable stuff. Unload the crappola stuff in big lots. I am going to liquidate and retool the business. I want to concentrate on 500 good, high value books instead of 4000 books-many of which are of little or no value-either intellectually or monetarily.

Than there’s the lp’s. Even when I sell the few I put on the net I can barely bring myself to ship them. There something aesthetic to me about them and i hate to part with them.  Recently I sold Steve Hillage’s Green album. I am like a thief sitting on it. Well tonight I packed it and shipped it. When it gets like this than it’s time to take a hiatus from eBay and the online selling world……

Well, I am not out of the woods yet. There is no rest on the horizon for me. I am booked solid with work. At least I am making money. No life, no time for friends, just work sleep. Work sleep. It seems like I should spawn or something but I am not ready to die.

Over all life is good but a little hazy. I have found the old familiar set of crutches. In the past they haven’t always worked, I’ve gone sprawling to the hard pavement. Change is hard. It must occur at a fundamental level. If it occurs only on the outer shells and not the core than it is false change. Finding out what’s at the core of our personalities is frightening and challenging. Whether we be driven by forces outside ourselves or our in complete autonomy is forever in doubt. As little marionettes we get up and go to work but will we stop dancing when the musics over, when they take away a chair? Are you going to be sent out in the hall or are you going to be dancing in the circle. These problems are fundamental in nature to me and are heavily prioritized.