Football, Booze, the Election, and Snowcock
Well football season is in full swing. Last Sunday pitted two of the biggest idiot quarterbacks who ever played the game. Philip Rivers vs. Tom Brady. It was actually a good game. I don’t remember the second game as well because I crept off to the local bar to get drunk. Just watching the battle of the dunces, the douchebags, two big oafs who can barely walk but can still move around in the pocket and take hits from goliath sized NFL linemen and linebackers was enough to drive me to drink.
Inside the head of an NFL douchebag…Just imagine Shawn Merriman, salivating from Roid rage, breathing frosty fire, staring at you across the line. You can barely walk but you get the snap, take a seven step drop and get rid of the ball, and than crack, the 250 pound beast smacks into you. Oh well, the trainer can numb the pain with the needle. Tomorrow night I won’t be able to walk but today, I’m a her0, an NFL quarterback. In ten years, I’ll be all Prosthetics’s, I gave my body and my ligaments to professional sports. When it comes to average everyday activities- get out the oil can, the tin man walks. A life of pain but definitely some gain. An NFL douchebag!
Philip Rivers is kind of a self-parody, but still, he can hobble around in the pocket with two bad legs. Secretly I was rooting for the guy. I would like to see the Patriots take a fall-I hate dynasties and I am always pulling for the underdog. Still, in a way the Chargers have become America’s anti-team.A team that is hard to like-sure you respect them but to actually root for Philip Rivers?? I am not sure what the world is coming to .
Well anyway, I have a football hangover. This year I may just go skiing during the Superbowl. I am tired of the hype and tired of the sport in a way. The older I get the more the players look like little babies, with big egos, big bank accounts, and tiny dinosaur brains. This is Americana-and football sucks, just an excuse to get drunk and go home and pass out with a dry mouth and an empty spirit.
Well these days I am trying to get up to speed with the political elections. The candidates are similar to NFL quarterbacks; they are easily parodied. I have CNn running in the background and I am getting used to Barrack Obamas voice. He sounds very commanding, very articulate. Hillary sounds like an Ivy League lawyer and John Edwards sounds like a country bumpkin. The pubs, forget them all. The Mormon guy scares me-Blockbuster in the Whitehouse? Recently I have heard that the Morman church is a huge supporter of the Coca Cola company. And Mormons don’t even use caffeine? What is the world coming to .
I know who the top three are but I am trying to figure who the rest of these donkey’s are. A very depressing endeavor indeed-oh well, enough politics and on to me, myself and I…
Well the Dow Jones is crashing and the country is moving into a recession. Hopefully the book business is recession proof. There’s lots to think about and much to ponder but change is in the air. I need to figure out who the donkey’s are in the squares . These guys are even more scary and depressing but I need to figure out who these guys are as well. Much to do and so little time….
I’ll leave with this final image-something much more inspirational than the election and proof that the phallus and and the artistic spirit is alive in America! Teasing the Cock! This is some kind of crazy tradition in New Jersey, (I think). (I got this and the image on the top of the AFC Douchebags from my favorite all-time sports blog-Kissing Suzy Kolber
